I'm taking some time to break away from my usual style of postings to explain my long absence.
Back in March, I finally left a job that had me getting more and more stressed every day, because I was behind on work from last year when a bad reaction to mold had me away from my building for a month. No one had stepped in to help me catch up; it was all my responsibility. I had bad stomach problems, headaches every day, and would completely lose my appetite at times. I had begun seeing a doctor because I wanted to have blood work done to check for diabetes; my blood sugar came back high, blood pressure was 150/90. I was extremely shocked, because I have always had great blood pressure and no blood sugar problems. I now know that all the sodas and candies I consumed, as well as junk food, contributed to the high blood sugar reading. On just my second visit, I was diagnosed with high blood pressure. I had asked the doctor if stress can cause the issues I was having, and was responded with "maybe", and put on an antidepressant. I was so angry, because I had stated I was seeing a therapist and she did not see a need for me to be on antidepressants. It seems that that is a knee-jerk reaction by doctors who don't know any better.
My stomach problems grew worse, and blood work had revealed elevated white blood cell levels. The doc thought I had an intestinal issue, so she had me go through an MRI, which showed a thickening in my left colon. That, with the white blood cell level, made her think that I had an infection in my colon. I was put on two different antibiotics, had an allergic reaction to one, and discontinued using both. My doctor had me admitted to the hospital so I could go through a series of GI tests, all of which showed a normal stomach and GI tract. I was checked for any infections, I was normal. After a week, I was released from the hospital with the diagnosis of endometriosis.
I had endometriosis before, and it was NOTHING like what I was experiencing. The same old pain was there, and had been growing for a couple of years, but the fatigue, the nausea, headaches, etc. just didn't make sense. I spent over a month worrying about my headaches possibly being a neurological disorder, before going to see a chiropractor on a whim. Within two weeks, my headaches were eliminated...it seems I had some pretty bad subluxations in my neck and back. The neck pain got worse, I had an MRI done, it showed a small bulging disc in my neck. Five months later, my neck pain is gone, but I still have to have back and neck adjustments done.
May 1, 2012, I had surgery for endometriosis. What happened? NO active endometriosis was found, there were some adhesions which were removed, and there was absolutely no sign of my previous surgery, which was unheard of. The active endometrial spots had been cauterized, a growth removed from my uterus, an intact ovarian cyst removed, and the remnants of a ruptured cyst removed as well. All that should have left signs, but nothing. All was nice and squeaky clean. I give God the credit for that; endometriosis DOES NOT go away on its own. It is a chronic illness that affects more and more American women, and more research needs to be done on what causes this illness. It's excruciating, debilitating, depressing, and difficult for the women suffering it. I am blessed to be free of this illness now.
I still had massive fatigue, and noticed that I would feel like I was trembling all over when I was really tired. This was chalked up to my spinal misalignments, and an overloaded nervous system. I finally found another doctor, told her everything I went through, and said I just want to know why I'm so tired all the time. It's depressing, because I used to be very active and now...I want to either sleep or just sit down. She ordered blood work to be done, and found what the other doc found: my white blood cell count was elevated. I went back in for more blood work because my doc wanted to check for a specific antibody; I received the call that I had mono.
MONO?!? You have to be kidding me! This is the THIRD diagnosis Doc, we gotta talk. I went in and chatted with her about this third mono diagnosis, and received a bit of a blow: I have what is known as Chronic Epstein-Barr Virus. The virus enters the system and, after the initial bout of mono, goes dormant. Sadly, there are folks like me who have immune systems which are not so great, and the virus reactivates. Stress caused mine to reactivate, which is why, months ago, I felt like passing out in the mall because I was so tired. There is hope that I will be better next February, but to be honest, I have accepted that this virus is now part of my life.
I have to admit, there are times that I feel depressed. It's so easy to be around someone with an "invisible illness"; an illness that doesn't show on the outside, like a broken bone or cancer, and forget that the person does have an illness. I feel tired for the majority of the day, which makes me feel a bit anxious sometimes because I keep thinking there's nothing wrong with me. I wept when I got the news of having CEBV, because after seven months, I FINALLY had an answer as to why I felt the way I felt. When the fatigue hits really hard, I have a hard time keeping up with interests. I do work study to pay for my tuition at school, four to five hours a day. I help someone clean the school on Sundays, and after a few hours I just feel exhausted to the point of feeling a little anxiety. It's so hard to feel this way and see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm taking steps to boost my immune system by taking vitamins and eating food that is nutritious, instead of the junk I used to eat. I have lost about 70 pounds in the past few months and keep losing it, how, I really don't know.
Having a silent illness means that support doesn't come often. It's so easy to forget that just because someone doesn't "look" sick, doesn't mean he or she isn't sick. It's rough, because I continually push myself to meet the demands of my work study, doing my clinicals (I am working to become a licensed nail technician) and other school requirements, and go out with my husband. Some days I feel that all this is for nothing, that I am wasting precious energy only to be forgotten. It's so easy to slide into self-pity, which begets depression, which begets anxiety. I've lived for so long as a sad person, constantly looking to see the bad and completely missing the good. Now, knowing that I've got this stupid virus attacking my immune system, I want even more to be happy. I'm in therapy to help me make room for discomfort, be it physical or emotional. It's helped me begin to make room for this illness I have, even though there are speed bumps on this road. Some days, like today, I just wonder if anyone cares about how I feel. I keep how I feel to myself, mainly because I don't want to sound like a whiny attention grabber. It's important to let someone know how you feel, but if you do it every day, it gets tiresome after a while. It's also easy to let ourselves forget about our loved ones who are sick, but don't "look" sick, and not offer them emotional and physical support, as well as physical support.
So I am doing my best to stay as healthy as I can and not let this invisible illness get to me. Chronic EBV can do some nasty work on the entire body, stomach included. I am working with a good GI doctor to alleviate the symptoms I've been having in regard to my GI tract issues. Daily readings in the Bible have helped, because I love to see how the Lord encouraged His people, which in turn gives me encouragement.
Thank you for letting me explain what has been going on. I'm not tough, I'm not perfect, but I am trying to live my life as it should be lived; with love, laughter, and encouragement.
Shalom to all, and chag sameach! Today is the beginning of Hanukkah, so read about the Maccabees and be encouraged knowing that if G-d can help a small army defeat a large evil, then He can help you defeat your daily hardships!
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