Matthew 5:43-47: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the wicked and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what rewards have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? “
What is it to really love someone who despises you? Remember that bully in grade school who, every day, would throw a taunt or a fist at you? Didn’t you just want to beat that bully to a pulp so he’d learn his lesson? Yep, I felt the same way too.
Many posts ago, I wrote about some folks who really hurt me and my husband, as well as some others we know. It took a few months to come to forgive the ones who hurt, and believe me, it did not come easily. I really wanted to nurture the hurt and let resentment grow, but all it did in the end was make me miserable. Nobody likes to be in continuous pain, and even if we got used to it, it would still wear us down. I had to consciously choose whether or not to forgive the ones who caused me pain. Choosing to forgive is very liberating, because that’s when all that anger, all that resentment from the past dissolves. The best part is that when we stop covering that wound and acknowledge that yes, draining it and cleansing it will hurt, the Lord just steps right in and does his best doctoring.
I’m speaking from real experience here. Now I know that my past isn’t as bad as what some folks have been through, but nevertheless it was hard. I had so much resentment built up towards my family that hurt me, that I couldn’t be civil to them at all. I figured hey, they said nasty things to me, they’ve called me fat when I’m not, why should I bother being nice? All they’ll do is say the same things to me, I’ll get angry, there will be much cussing on both sides, and I’ll just end up driving off to be alone. I couldn’t even talk about these people without getting steamed up. It was just so unfair in my eyes that I felt justified in letting my temper explode at them. Never once did I think that I was hurting them just as badly as they were hurting me.
I didn’t even realize that the resentment I held also dictated the way I was acting. When my husband and I attended our first Ancient Paths seminar, we were shocked at how much we related to the teachings. The thing I loved most about AP was that the facilitators in the groups wouldn’t sit there and reassure us, but encouraged us to take our hurts to the Lord, ask Him “where does this come from?” and just WAIT on him. He never failed to show where the hurt came from, and then it was up to us to decide: will I give this up to be healed, or will I hold on? It was so easy to give it all up, to surrender those burdens to Yeshua. The memories were painful, but afterward we only had to ask “Abba, is this how you see me? Am I really a failure? Who do YOU say I am?” Again there was a wait, and again there was an answer. It was not a human speaking to us, but our precious Father speaking HIS knowledge of who we truly are right into our hearts and spirits. The healing that we received was so incredible, it’s beyond words.
Not long after this seminar, my grandfather was due for surgery to remove polyps on his bladder. I felt that I needed to go be with him, so my husband and I prayed and agreed that I should go. I knew my uncle, one of the family who hurt me, would be there and I knew what my part would be: to ask his forgiveness. You see, part of the healing process is not just to ask the Lord for forgiveness, but to be able to forgive ourselves and the ones who hurt us. I’d forgiven my uncle, and knew this was my opportunity to talk to him and ask him to forgive me. He asked me to lunch at a local place, we went and almost as soon as we sat down, I said “Look, I know we haven’t gotten along for many years. I used to think you were unfair and mean to me, not once thinking that what I said to you hurt you. I apologize for all the hurtful things I’ve said and done. Can you forgive me?” He replied in our family fashion, “Aw, don’t worry about it” which meant “yes I forgive you” and since then, we’ve become very close.
I can’t say how relieved I was with THAT, but when I asked my father’s forgiveness three years ago, our relationship (estranged is too weak a word for how we were) has just grown. At the AP seminar, those two men were the ones that I really had to forgive. I had to see that, even though there were unjust actions towards me, that I had to let my Father heal the wounds, that I had to let go of all that bitterness that was destroying my spirit. It was so very hard to open up in front of complete strangers, but the small group were so supportive of each other, that it became easy to open up. After the 3-day seminar ended, I felt lighter and emotionally free.
I know that, even if I wasn’t forgiven for my actions, that if I was met with hostility, I could just run right back to the Lord knowing that He doesn’t see me the way that person does, and this is where my story ties into my point: do we REALLY love our enemies? Do we have any love for those who try to make our lives miserable? Is there compassion for them? Ask yourselves these questions, and be honest in your answers.
I grew up thinking that anyone outside the Church was destined for hell, were utterly horrible sinners, and the only attention they deserved was me preaching to them about how they were going to go to hell if they didn’t accept Jesus. There was this thought in the church about how people on the “outside” weren’t worth our time, all we would ever do to them was to constantly criticize them, to tell them how unworthy they were but, should they choose to accept Jesus, He just might be able to do something with them.
It was awful, the way these Christians acted. And when I became sick of the hypocrisy, sick of everything, I learned firsthand just how I had treated people. I was told, countless times, how I would go to hell because I’d gotten tattoos and piercings. I was told I would go to hell for divorcing my first husband (the divorce was for VERY good reason). I was looked at, with all my facial piercings and black clothes, as if I was a two-headed goat. All this was during and after my involvement in witchcraft. When I began looking for God’s love to be shown in his people, what I discovered saddened me. People would sometimes smile at me in a church I visited, but that smile never gleamed in their eyes. Hugs were just a weak “put-my-arms-around-you-briefly” excuse for a hug, and nobody ever came up to introduce themselves and make me feel welcome.
All this made me give up trying to find that love expressed in God’s people. I was so thoroughly sick of it all that I went right back to where I had been, minus the witchcraft. I was just sick of the Christian religion, sick of people who said one thing and did another, sick of the clique feeling in many churches. I didn’t want high school drama in the guise of a church congregation, I wanted a place where there was a genuine LOVE, a true love for God and for those who walked through the sanctuary doors.
A few years and new husband later, I found myself going to my first Messianic Shabbat service. I was nervous and flat-out told my husband and our friend that the first person to look at me funny would get the finger, and my butt would be out the door never to come back. To my amazement, not one person looked at me funny. Not one person stared at me, unlike what I was used to. Then, about our third or fourth visit, my now best friend’s mother walked up to me and gave me the first real hug I’d had in a while, then looked me straight in the face and said “It is so good to see you here”. She’ll never know what a huge difference that made to me, that she displayed exactly what I craved and was looking for, so that I would know that those who call themselves believers, whether Christian or Messianic, aren’t all cold to “outsiders”.
The longer we were at this congregation, the more people walked up to me, in all my Gothic glory, and never hesitated to tell me they liked my piercings, or my red or hot pink eyeshadow, or how much they liked my dress with the bell sleeves. I’ve never been much for dressing up, I’ll only do it when the fancy strikes me, and being able to dress casually for services thrilled me.
Yes, this is the same place I left months ago. I’ll only say that there are places that stay the same, and places that change, sometimes not for the better, and that congregation falls into the latter category.
I’m using all this to make a point: Yeshua clearly says in the verses a few paragraphs up, that we are to LOVE those who hate us, who despise us, who want us dead, who trash our belongings, who speak curses to us, who spit on us, who can’t stand the sight of us.
I see where I was last year, and where I am now. I’ve been longing to show God’s love, that love that I know so well, to everyone around me. I’ve desired to love those who call me an enemy, to show grace and mercy to them even as they show hatred and hardness to me. I don’t want to wish ill upon them, but I desire that they be freed from their hurts. I just want to stop the madness that I’ve seen in many a congregation, to wail at these people “WHY do you hate your enemies?”
I keep getting emails from someone I know that contain severe language and severe photos aimed at Muslims. I’m praying about how to respond in love to stop sending these emails to me, and even if I should say “look, you’re supposed to love these people!” No, I don’t agree with Islam at all, but why on earth should I hate these people? I might hate their actions, but not them, not them as human beings. I hate that a person would take another person’s life, but why should I hate the murderer? Shouldn’t I pray for that person’s deliverance from that way of life?
All these are questions I’ve been asking myself for months. It’s not easy to love those who hate you, is it? The flesh wants so much to give in to hatred that it will kick the spirit to the side just to indulge in a few choice words at the hated person. However, we, who call ourselves children of God, should be so intimately acquainted with His love that we have no problem in letting it overflow from us and pour into those around us. The saying “actions speak louder than words” is true in this term. Just think of how shocked that bully would be, whether or not he shows it, that you smile at him and say “Despite what you do to me, I still care about you as a person”. What kind of difference would that make? Do you think kind words would help heal old wounds? I think so, even if that person wouldn’t admit it. Pride makes us reluctant to admit that calming words have a positive effect on a ravening spirit, because we feel that hanging on to that old bitterness makes us stronger. It doesn’t. It makes us weak, ineffective, and can even cause physical ailments. Wouldn’t it be better to speak loving words that have a healing effect, instead of hateful words that dig deeper into that wound, potentially causing a kind of death?
I leave you with this: Pray and meditate on these verses in Matthew. Ask yourself, ask God, if you’ve been loving to your enemies. We’re all imperfect, but we are loved by a perfect Father who, may I remind us all, has loved us even in times we’ve acted the worst. Shouldn’t we reflect He who is in us, and do the same?
