Letting them get to you?

At some point in our lives, we come across someone who seems friendly at first, but gradually increases distance from us, becoming less inclined to join our company. Such behavior is rarely explained by the ones who exhibit it, and when questioned, defensiveness arises and suddenly, WE are the ones being unreasonable.

I’ve run into such people before, and their behavior has always gotten under my skin. I wanted to rage at them, asking them why in the world they just can’t tell me why they don’t want to be around me. It’s so much easier than just keeping quiet and walking away from what could be a great friendship.

Such a thing happened to me recently. I don’t want to go into too many details, but these two friends changed, and not for the better. My husband and I weren’t the only ones to see these changes, others around us did as well. There was a harshness, an edge, and an aggression in these two that really bothered us. These two stopped talking to us as much as they once did, and so hubby and I felt it best to keep things that way. Sometimes it’s best to do this for your own good, because the emotions and actions of another can influence our own actions.

Sometimes it seems hard to overcome situations like the above. Perhaps your former friend has turned on you, or maybe he/she has walked away without any explanation as to why this was done. To have no closure is very difficult, especially for those of us who want to know what is going on and why. If there is something I did to offend my friend, why didn’t she tell me so I could apologize? That has constantly run around in the heads of many.

We vent about these situations and then hear “Oh, don’t let them get to you”. This is a hard but true statement: we CAN’T allow people’s actions to bother us so much that we get distracted from even the smallest tasks. I have a bad habit of dwelling on things, especially after a confrontation. I think of the many different things I could have said, why the person acted the way he/she did, and continue to be bothered by those actions. I suppose that, in all of us, there a hatred of injustice to anyone and anything, especially ourselves. The fact that we did nothing wrong is bad enough, but what makes it worse is when this is not acknowledged by those who accuse us. We dwell on what happened for days, weeks, and even months, wondering why on earth those we thought were friends acted the way they did to us. This distracts and detracts us from the important things in our lives.

I did let the actions of my former friends bother me for a while. For the past two months, I fought against depression coming back, struggled against my sense of worth dropping low. The greatest thing about this is that through it all, G-d did not stop speaking to me. Through all the pain, all the hurt, and the feeling of injustice, He continued to declare to me who I am in HIS eyes, not the eyes of man. When I would have a horrible day at work, He was there to tell me how far improved I am. Years ago, a really bad day would have resulted in me quitting my job, but now I know that bad days come and, thankfully, go. One day shouldn’t result in my leaving the workplace, right?

After all these struggles, I finally feel free, but a little changed. I do care about how people see me, but at the same time it doesn’t consume all my time like it used to. I prefer to hear from G-d about who I am, because I know He won’t hesitate to tell me the truth.

I can tell you not to worry if you’re in such a situation right now. I can tell you that you’re in G-d’s hands and He won’t drop you. I can speak and write encouragement until my face is blue and my fingers cramped…but until you hear it from the mouth of the Creator Himself, until you are able to see yourself through the eyes of the Messiah, you may not believe a word I say. Like I wrote two posts before this one, just go to the L-rd like a child to a parent, and ask Him who you are, ask Yeshua to let you see yourself through his eyes. Don’t let your own mind and flesh answer, just let your Father embrace you and speak His love into you. HE will be the one shielding you, and He certainly won’t let people and situations get to you.

Gone but not forgotten...

I just realized it's been two months since I've posted on this blog. My intention has been to encourage others who are experiencing situations similar to what I've been through. Up until about two weeks ago, I had a very hard struggle against a familiar opponent: depression. From 7th grade until about four years ago, I was a very depressed and suicidal person. However, no matter how hard the knife was pressed and drawn against my skin, nothing more than a scratch appeared.

For a large portion of my life, I constantly heard negative comments from peers in school, as well as from some family. It was very difficult and my self-esteem went downhill. I found comfort in reading and in prayer. Mom called me a "loner", I didn't have any close friends in school at all, and because of all the teasing and bullying, I was more than happy to be by myself.

Unfortunately, after my mother's death in 1994, the depression became worse. I was homeschooled for my 8th grade year, which made me ecstatic. I didn't have to deal with bullies every day, the hours weren't as long as they are in public schools, and I didn't have to eat any gross cafeteria food. My grandmother protested; she felt that I needed to interact with kids my age. She just couldn't understand that I HATED school. When Mom died, I not only had to face high school, I had to face a high school full of people I didn't know. I was already really shy and quiet, but grieving for my mother made it worse. Sadly, shy people are seen as being aloof, snobby, and boring. I had to deal with this girl for two years who kept insisting I was a snob. It was harder to get through every day. I've never fit in anywhere I've gone, so imagine what school was like for this nerdy girl who tried her hardest to be who she isn't. I was shunned because I didn't try to fit in. When I tried to fit in, I was shunned for doing so! I finally gave up during my senior year and just decided to be ME. Funny enough, a few kids started to get to know me a little better and I ended up with some acquaintances.

Depression tried to pry its way in recently, but I couldn't let it back in. I absolutely mean it when I say that we MUST listen only to the voice of the L-rd when he speaks to us of who we are. Those words that keep popping up, words like "stupid", "incapable", "worthless", etc. are all lies. Proverbs tells us that the power of life and death is in the tongue, meaning that the words we speak to each other and to ourselves can either bring life (encouragement) or death (discouragement). If we hear words of either life or death constantly, we will begin to believe the things spoken to us. I heard a lot of bad things said about myself, words spoken to me so often that I believed them. I really did believe I was stupid, worthless, would never amount to anything, and was a general nuisance.

However, after renewing my relationship with Yeshua a few years ago, the depression began to melt away and I became more confident. It took time though, and a year later I was able to return friendly teasing and smiled more than I had in previous years. I was finally able to be comfortable in who I was, not in myself, but in Messiah.

I've been realizing that self-confidence is really nothing. I'd rather have confidence in G-d and in the Messiah, not myself. I'm fallible, I have faults, and I have a short attention span sometimes. I get easily distracted, so I have to literally FORCE myself to focus. I find that when I focus on the Word, when I read and pray, I don't feel all out of kilter and confused.

I think I'm going to start working on my entire testimony so I can put it on here. The first two posts may seem harsh and may seem like I'm condemning the kids for what they do, but that's not the case. I do speak from real experiences in my life and I only want to be a good watchman, to warn of danger when it approaches.

This is it for tonight, it's almost midnight and the bed is calling for me.

So…who ARE you?

Ever heard of someone going through an identity crisis? This is when someone becomes confused as to who he or she is. This happens in the body of Messiah as well, it’s not something that is limited to the “outside world”.

First, we need to understand what identity is. Identity is the condition of being oneself or itself, and not another. It’s very important to understand identity, because we need to understand who we are. It’s more than just gender, it’s our personality, it’s the way we act and react to circumstances.

Identity can be a tricky thing. There is our actual identity, there is a perceived identity (who we perceive ourselves to be as opposed to who we really are), mistaken identity (no, I’m not Mary), and so on. The hardest thing with identity, however, is discovering what it really and truly is.

Ever have someone tell you who you are? It happens every day! We become accustomed to family, friends, co-workers, and strangers telling us who we are. It can be something good, like “You’re really smart!” or something bad, like “You’re a klutzy moron!” If a consistent set of phrases is spoken through a person’s life, that person will begin to believe it. For instance, abused children grow up thinking they really are stupid, that they’ll never amount to anything in their lives, and that they’re better off dead. The phrases spoken, which are in reality curses, begin to form that child’s identity. He is told he’s stupid, therefore he IS stupid, even though he has straight-A’s in school. She’s told she’s ugly, therefore she IS ugly, even though those around her admire her looks. See what I mean?

My last post was about a dress code in churches, and so it will kind of tie into this post. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to bash anyone nor do I think we should all rebel and wear our jammies to church. I only meant to show that there are some places that place more importance on physical appearance, than on spiritual health, which results in “church cliques”. Can’t have that!

As a little girl, I felt that what I saw as my identity, and what my mother saw as my identity, clashed. I was just me, an action-movie loving tomboy who really did love to play with her dolls. I had no issues with dressing up, nor did I have issues with running around playing baseball, dirtying up my clothes. To Mom, I was a bit of a conundrum. You see, she felt that all females should dress up very nicely, in the latest fashions, for church and on the other days of the week, dress appropriate to their jobs. If a lady was a stay-at-home mother, she would still dress nicely and have her hair and makeup done. Little girls should wear nice girly clothes and never want to take karate. (When I asked for those lessons, all I got was “Ladies don’t do that”)

I was so much pressured by this that I became a little confused, and remained so up until very recently, I’m sad to say. On all four sides I would hear about how I’m supposed to dress, how I should act, how my hair should be done, how I should or should not wear makeup, what movies were best for me to watch (certainly NOT Conan the Barbarian, a favorite of mine), and so on. Not only did I hear this, but I also heard from parent, teacher, and peers how I was so stupid, I’d never amount to anything, I couldn’t do anything right, I’m ugly, I smell bad, and on and on it went. There wasn’t just the verbal bullying, I was beaten up almost weekly, or threatened with a beating, or just plain cussed at…and this was just elementary and middle school.

Disclaimer: I am not trying to appear to be a victim here, nor am I going on a pity party. This stuff happened years ago and has been forgiven. It is only used as an example and to help explain my point, which I’ll eventually get to, if you’re lucky.

I allowed my identity to be based on the words spoken to me by my family, my few friends, my teachers, and my peers. I had been taught to believe all I was told, to never argue because that was disrespectful, and so I held to that because I was too afraid to disobey. Because of that, I believed all the bad things and never the good things. After all, if most of what I heard was bad, then it must all be true. I thought I was the world’s biggest moron at the age of 10.

The same could be said if mostly good things had been spoken to me. I’d have thought the world revolved around only me.

You see, we allow our identities to be spoken into us by human beings, and yes, it DOES happen in the body of Messiah. We allow ourselves to be shaped by words, to be blessed or cursed, to believe those words or not. We take the tools and shape ourselves, or surrender to the hands of another to begin shaping us. I learned, slowly but surely, not to do this anymore. I had to face a lot of opposition. You see, there are some folks who just don’t want you to be who you were created to be, who themselves were brought up to believe that those in G-d’s Kingdom have to act a certain set way. All identities must be the same no matter what. That’s so wrong; it takes away our uniqueness, our individuality, and turns us into spiritual “yes” men (and women). There’s nothing wrong with acting in accordance to G-d’s Word, but take care not to change yourself just to please humans! We must change only when Abba leads us to, not because men tell us to. Our relationship with Yeshua does cause us to change, but for the better. Beware of that religious spirit though; it will try to make you conform to its own standards, not to the L-rd’s standards.

It’s not easy to defy the world and its opinion of you. In these days, more people are going to tell you that you’re crazy, you’re wrong; you’re a bigot and a liar. Never listen to them, instead, quiet yourself and listen for the still, small voice of your Father. He is the one who will be frank with you. If you need to be corrected, he will do it. If you need comfort, he will give it. If you need to know who you are, he will tell you and show you. Don’t give up, because what the world has to offer pales greatly in comparison with what G-d will give you. It may not be earthly riches or power, but it’s worth far more. You will know who you are and will be at peace with that.

Accept the truth from the mouth of the Father, our Creator. It’s not easy to believe the good or the bad sometimes, trust me. However, when you give all your pain to Him and allow him to heal your wounds, it’s worth it. You’ll be much lighter, much freer, and definitely happier.

G-d opened my eyes to realize that I must allow HIM, not anyone else, to speak my identity to me. I must look to him alone for affirmation. I don’t need the praise of human beings to be happy as I am, all I need to know is that my Abba, my Father, my Creator loves me just as I am, and that in his son Yeshua, I am who I was created to be. He loves me despite my defiance of all feminine rules, he takes delight in me and I KNOW he likes my goofy sense of humor. After all, his joy is my strength! I’m finally at peace with who I am; a woman who loves a good action movie, can’t stand romance movies or any movie that makes me cry, has an addiction to makeup, who can dress up or dress down and be equally comfortable in both…and who indulges in cartoon marathons.

Is a dress code really needed?

James chapter 2:1-4 states "My brothers, practice the faith of our Lord Yeshua, the glorious Messiah, without showing favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your synagogue wearing gold rings and fancy clothes, and also a poor man comes in dressed in rags. If you show more respect to the man wearing the fancy clothes and say to him, 'Have this good seat here,' while to the poor man you say, 'You, stand over there,' or, 'Sit down on the floor by my feet,' then aren't you creating distinctions among yourselves, and haven't you made yourselves into judges with evil motives?"

One of the biggest fears I had was to go into a church where all the people would stare at me, shocked by this girl dressed all in black, with bright pink hair and facial piercings, and then immediately act either overly-nice to her, or ignore her altogether. I never understood, and still don't really understand, the necessity of a dress code in church. Don't get me wrong, I don't think a halter top and miniskirt are exactly the best things to wear, but what's wrong with wearing jeans and a t-shirt?

I know that, in the "old days", much was put upon appearance. Ladies dressed to the nines, going so far as to squish all their organs together (thank you, inventor of corsets!) to achieve an itty-bitty waist. There were false curls, false bangs, bustles to make your... derrière...enhanced, about 30 pounds of petticoats, not to mention the pantalets and, finally, the undergarments. No wonder it took women so long to get dressed! Poor gals must have roasted alive during summer. Then, as women's fashion changed, out went the corsets and bustles and petticoats for dresses with puffed sleeves as big as balloons. From that came skirts and waistshirts, then in the good ol' 1920's came those awesome be-tasseled flapper dresses. Sadly, hemlines went way up (well, compared with today, they were tame!), long hair went short, and dramatic eyes and lips came along.

This isn't meant to be a history of fashion, I really do have a point. Through all this, it was still a rule to be well-dressed for church. Anyone who may have had clothes that looked the least bit ragged were outcasts and, while spoken to politely, were considered along with "white trash". This isn't okay, not for me at least.

As a little girl, I HAD to dress up. Not that I minded a lot then, I WAS a little girl. I did love the short holiday dresses with the poofy skirts, the Easter gloves, purse, and new hat. As I got older, I began to loathe being dressed up "like a doll" and wished fervently that I was allowed to wear comfortable clothes. As I got older, there was more pressure placed on outward appearance. I could be in a bout of depression but would have to grin and pretend that everything was terrific. Not once could I speak what was truly on my mind or heart, I absolutely HAD to wear fancy-shmancy clothes to services, jewelry was gold with cubic zirconia stones, hair was in the fashion of the times. Growing up in the 80's this meant curly hair teased within an inch of its roots and sprayed with ten cans of hair spray. Makeup was also a big thing, a lady just had to look her best no matter what.

I've always had difficulty with this. I wasn't exactly a cute child, nor was I pretty. I was a tomboy at heart and it showed. At 5 my long hair was cut off and I kept it short from then on, only going to a chin-length bob at the longest. This was my choice, it was just easier to deal with. No matter what I wore, no matter how nice my hair looked, I was still ousted. Sunday school was a lot like regular school; I was teased, ousted, made fun of, and left out of almost every activity. When Mom gave me the choice of going to church services with her on Sundays and Wednesday evenings, or going to the children's church and Bluebell (the little girl's group on Wednesdays), I chose to stay with church. I felt more comfortable there and really did feel like I belonged.

Throughout the years growing up in churches, I always felt like I was pressured to fit in with everyone else. I really did feel like a square peg that didn't fit into that round hole, so my corners were being cut and sanded down so I'd fit, and it really hurt. I couldn't do many of the things I enjoyed because they weren't "ladylike", meaning they were supposedly an ill fit to my gender.

This is my point...that the whole feeling of having to dress up for church is more to please PEOPLE than it is to please G-D. It's all for appearance's sake, and I've never liked that. I tried, up until I was 17, to fit in at school and church. I finally became so sick of it that I decided I would wear what I liked, fashion be danged. In that senior year of high school, I found that kids who never spoke to me finally warmed up to me, and I had many acquaintances that year. Thankfully, the folks in my grandparents' church were completely okay with me walking in wearing jeans and a t-shirt or even in my scrubs, when I'd rush from my job as kennel attendant at the local veterinarian's office. Even when I smelled like skunk, after bathing a rather unlucky Boxer who found out that was NOT a kitty, I was welcomed...although it was from a slight distance.

That's what I liked. It didn't matter to these folks if you came wearing rags, as long as you were there for G-d and nobody else.

Living in a large city as I do, there are more churches than I can count on all fingers and toes three times over. Every one is different, and I'm sure that in every one the leadership dresses differently. I went from starting out in jeans or my "goth gear" to wearing skirts, dresses, fixing my hair to look nice, and wearing makeup. Two years ago we had to begin dressing up every week, no matter if we were leadership or on the prayer team or even mere security folks. We HAD to be dressed to the nines, otherwise we'd be looked down on and not taken seriously. We even had to adjust the way we greeted people, but I really agreed with that. We began taking the time to talk to new people to make them feel welcome, which to me is very important in every church and Messianic congregation. ONE lady made me feel very welcome on my third visit, and I've never been hugged like that before in ANY church. She was genuine and meant it, despite my "intimidating" appearance.

You can differ with me on this, and that's okay. I only take issue because of the way I used to look. Hardly anyone would come up to me and appear totally at ease. Because I looked like something that walked out of a heavy metal band, of course people would be intimidated by me. They didn't really know how to deal with me, and that's a problem in many a congregation. If you only surround yourself with G-dly people, you're shutting out the world. It's not meant for us to be PART OF the world, we are in the world and there's nothing we can do about that. If we end up partaking of the food the world offers, we're in trouble. What I mean to say is that you must understand where people are coming from, in order to really be able to make a difference. Don't judge and curse the outside world, because that will only serve to make them feel more justified in their hatred of the Body of Messiah. You don't have to accept everything they do, but don't condemn them. Remember, they aren't in the Kingdom and don't know all G-d's ways. They may come in because there's nowhere else to go, because they're hurting and desperate, and one unkind word, look, or gesture can cause them to turn away and walk out on G-d forever.

When I started going to my former congregation, I was looking for the love of G-d to be displayed through His people. I was testing them to make sure they were genuine. I told my friend, who invited my husband and I, that if even one person looked at me funny I would leave and never lay eyes on that building again. Thankfully, everyone was genuine and friendly, and that one precious lady hugged me and said "It is SO good to see you here!". This is what makes a difference in the lives of the world, to see G-d's love for them expressed through His servants. When they expect to be judged and condemned, and instead are embraced, loved, and taught, then we have done what we are supposed to do. Don't ever force someone to change, let G-d lead and teach them, and you will see that change. It may not be in the clothes they wear, but in their bearing, their language, in their words. G-d is the one who is to change us, not humans.

My opinion is that if you want to dress up for church, you do that. If you want to wear jeans and a t-shirt, do that. In the days to come, there won't be dress codes, but there will be that code of conduct that we are held by, the commands G-d has given us, that will matter more than physical appearance.

Warfare and armor

If you're familiar with the prophet Ezekiel and his battle against Jezebel and the prophets of Ba'al, you will surely know Jezebel's fate.

Jezebel was a manipulative, sneaky, conniving little wench who was pleasant when she got her own way, but who would throw the slightest tantrum when she didn't. She controlled her husband Ahab, who was, in my not-so-humble opinion, a sissy of a man. He stood up for her, yes, but only when she was attacked by someone who saw through her ways. He did what he could to placate and appease her, lest her wrath be turned on him. He had to "protect" her. Jezebel, a follower of Ashtoroth, killed the prophets and anyone who opposed her and her husband.

I believe that Jezebel was possessed by Ashtoroth and deliberately targeted Israel in order to make the people turn from G-d and literally prostitute themselves to a false god. Worship of Ashtoroth involved erecting "asherah poles" and had temple prostitutes who would service the worshipers. Sounds like a religious brothel to me! In this way, the people of Israel were divided, and the spirit within Jezebel loved that.

Ezekiel was Jezebel and Ahab's main enemy. He was terrified of Jezebel, yet he chose to follow G-d. Jezebel's end comes when she is shoved out of a window, trampled by horses, eaten by dogs, and turned into dung. This was the end for a manipulative, controlling woman, but it wasn't the end of the spirit that controlled her.

This is the very spirit my husband and I had been fighting against for months. It was revealed to me this past May, but I didn't know where it came from. I did pray against it, but it just got worse.

When the person through whom this spirit was operating was shown to me, at first I didn't want to admit it. I ignored it, thinking I was being too harsh. The truth is that, little by little, I was being influenced by this same spirit, the very one that had hold of Jezebel and made her pleasant when she had her way, but would go off when she was denied what she wanted. I allowed myself to be controlled, I went so far as to have my hair, makeup, and clothing picked out to make this person happy. No little bit of individuality went into what I wore, and I made sure that all my tattoos were covered lest someone see them, comment, and I get in trouble. The tattoos had to be covered just in case a new person saw them and was turned off by them, resulting in the possibility of this person not coming to Messiah. It was like this for THREE YEARS. I was unhappy whenever I would mention something that G-d revealed to me, because it would be countered and I would be told that I was wrong, then I would be told what G-d was really trying to show me.

My mother in law noticed this change not only in me, but also in my husband as he too was influenced by the same spirit. I turned into a more depressed person, and would lash out at him if he did something this person didn't like, because she was always sure to tell me just what he did wrong, and would take it out on me, thus causing me to feel pressure to exert control over my husband.

Spiritual warfare isn't as easy as some make it sound. The stress and tension can do nasty things to the human body. However, we must remember to take up all the armor that G-d provides us (see Ephesians 6:12-18) every day, so that when these battles come, we can emerge victorious. The armor is meant to protect the body, and the knowledge of G-d's word is that armor that protects us. He will see us through these battles as long as we follow the strategy he gives us. It's not always easy, but using your faith and trust in G-d as a shield will deflect lies of the adversary. Salvation and deliverance protect your mind, you walk in the Good News of Messiah, you use the Word as you would a sword. Let truth always be belted around your waist, ready to be spoken at a moment's notice. Righteousness is your breastplate, protecting your heart from the adversary's blows.

In these times, these days that are similar to the days of Noah, make sure that your armor is always on, that it's always polished, that your sword is always sharpened. You never know when an attack will come, so be on your guard. Don't let paranoia take over, but keep your eyes and your focus on G-d, pray to him and he will give you discernment. This discernment shows us what to do when we are in spiritual warfare, so that the adversary won't be able to pull off a sneak attack. Pray for each other unwaveringly, every day, in the spirit and with earnestness.

From "vampires" to "werewolves"

The above video should say it all.

Teens, like anyone of any age, are looking for acceptance. Their identities are growing, they want to be loved for who they are, but some just aren't popular. Our society places more importance on BEING important while it publishes articles here and there on how great it is for you to be you. I'm astonished at this, because I've just recently begun to see through the models with "perfect" figures, and can see the airbrushing and Photoshopping. No one has flawless skin!

We are all routinely told what is popular, what is good, what we should wear, what we should look like, how our bodies should be shaped. Those of us, like myself, who are naturally more...fleshy, shall we say...tend to become depressed when we fail to achieve the perfection that is expected of us.

Therefore, thanks to all this, children, teens, and adults tend to form their own cliques of outcasts when all attempts to "fit in" fail. We see ourselves as outsiders, misfits, etc, so why not just have our own groups of the like kind and be done with it? This is how we all find our acceptance, with like-minded groups of people.

I was always an outcast in school. I wasn't the adorable or cute little girly girl, or the feminine teen with perfect body, hair, and clothes. I'm "anti-girl", I don't always go for the really girly things and, to be honest, have never been comfortable around the more "girly" females. Heck, growing up, I loved my Jem and She-Ra toys as much as I loved watching Red Sonja and Conan! I was constantly reminded of my loser status in school. No matter how hard I tried, I never seemed to fit in. I chose clothing that was fashionable, spent hours practicing putting on makeup that I rarely ever wore, and tried so doggone hard to fit in with everyone else. I never succeeded, I only seemed to make things worse. Popular snobs are like wolves; they can smell blood from miles away. I was dogged up until the latter half of my senior year in high school.

In that latter half, I took my interests in and practices of the paranormal to a new high. I befriended a young man, I'll call him D, who was a warlock. We had a lot in common, much to the irritation of my then-boyfriend. I was so happy to find someone new, who thought much like I did, and was so eager to be accepted, that I swallowed the hook presented to me. I was special, I had gifts, I must be a natural witch. I believed it, and then I changed. I'd forsaken G-d when my mother passed away and went to church only because I had to. I left that church and sought out witchcraft.

I went through all the training I needed and made my way up the ladder, so to speak. I started out as a kind of apprentice, then became high priestess when I proved that my "powers" were stronger than any other in the coven. I was full, satiated, but I wanted more. I, who had longed to be accepted and seen as special, now believed I was, with all the power I desired at my disposal. Teens who see themselves as vampires or werewolves or whatever are buying into the thought that they are unusual and very special, and begin to believe they are actually what they call themselves. I fully bought into this deception, and it made me become a more fearful person. I mentioned in my other post that I've seen things that would make a normal person run screaming into oblivion. What I saw occurred during my training and then as a high priestess.

We are all special, but not to the one who seeks to destroy us. He'll lure us in, as he did me, with promises of power and whispers of "you're so special". I believed I was different because I was a "natural witch", which isn't true. I'm different because that's how I was created. The coven was a tightly-knit community of its own, and if you messed with one of us, you messed with ALL of us. We were all quick to defend each other should any outsider dare mock us.

Cliques make us feel special because we're with like-minded people, kindred spirits if you will. I have my own friends that I have more in common with than others, but I love all my friends for who they are. In a clique, the people themselves are exclusive to all others. The jocks scorn the nerds, the nerds scorn the Goths, the Goths scorn the jocks. It's a circle, a cycle. I have friends who are so different you wouldn't believe they had anything in common. We DO have one common love, the Messiah, and we are able to see Him in each other which is why we all love each other so dearly.

I'm concerned for the teens who believe themselves to be werewolves and vampires, or any other preternatural creature. They are looking for acceptance and not finding it and, what is worse, their parents encourage these activities or try to limit them, all because the parents themselves are naive in believing this is all harmless fun. Your child is different, yes, but needs boundaries and needs protection from the things that can harm him/her. By encouraging these teens in pretending they are a supernatural creature, parents are making things worse.

Parents need to do their research on what their children do, what their interests are. America is quickly accelerating towards a fully tolerant society, willing to accept and embrace anyone and everyone, including those who will murder in the name of their prophet or religion. This is a dangerous road to go down, because if we don't use discernment and wisdom, we fall into the traps set for us and will be devoured by what we chose to embrace. Walking among us is a lion, seeking whom he may devour, and we are throwing our children to him, willingly or not.

Vampires ARE real...in their own minds.

I used to love reading horror novels, especially anything that had to do with vampires. From L.J. Smith to Anne Rice, I devoured as many bloodsucker books as I could. Some were great, some I could have sworn were written by a ten-year-old. I used to think it was okay to read these books, especially any book with a touch of romance and destiny in it. Time has passed, and I have changed, as did my choice of reading material.

Had I known the doors I left opened, and what would come through, I would have burned every single tale of terror I owned, including what I myself was writing. I sought to expose the truth, that vampires aren’t cuddly, handsome creatures that (literally!) take our breath away. Rather, my vampires were demonically-controlled dead bodies, vengeful creatures that sought to rid the world of every human. They didn’t just consume blood, they consumed souls. Almost nothing would stop them, save for one heroic, quirky girl, modeled after myself of course. I saw everything in my head and strove to inscribe it on paper, in my own hand. I knew “vampires”, people who wore whiteface, dressed in black, and moped worse than a dog guilty of eating Mom’s designer shoes. Some would label them as "goth" but, the fact is, they truly believed they were immortal or, at the very least, about to become immortal.

It seems that the fascination with vampires has really taken off. I’ve seen books, movies, and TV shows dedicated to the fiends proliferate, especially since the "Twilight" book series. Leviticus 17:11 specifically states that because the life is in the blood, we are not to consume that blood. It’s something repeated throughout the Torah and yes, it includes rare hamburgers and steaks (a habit that took me a year to break).

Vampires were originally demonic spirits that terrorized people. Now they are romantic, handsome, beautiful beings worthy of our awe, because they are so much more powerful and wiser than we are. That power commands our awe, if we do not willingly give it. Nowadays, vampires are whatever we want them to be.

We may laugh and scoff at humans pretending they’re vampires, but the truth is that doors are being opened to dangerous spirits through this practice of blood consumption. The Body of Messiah routinely condemns, scorns, laughs at, and mocks "vampires" without the least bit of understanding what is REALLY going on. The facade of religion has blocked the eyes of Messiah's followers, making them believe that this is all really harmless or just plain silly. Get that "vampire" some mental help, will ya? I'm too busy.

Condemnation, mockery, and scorn will not help. We must teach these people that they cannot redeem themselves and achieve “eternal life” by giving their own blood, turning into a "vampire". All "vampires" will find willing victims, who have been lured by the romanticism portrayed in movies and books. This is, in essence, human sacrifice, only the sacrifice is WILLING! The truth of this matter is that there are people who sincerely believe they are immortal and cannot die, who draw in people who have immersed themselves in the romanticism of immortal beings as heroes. I knew one such person, who will remain nameless, who was physically assaulted because he was a “vampire”. Not only did he believe it, but so did his assailants! His wounds were completely, miraculously healed. I saw it with my own eyes, as did many other people. His burns and bruises literally shrank before our eyes, with one that covered his forearm disappearing completely by that evening! This person ended up attributing the healing to his “vampiric” powers. How terrible and sad that he would be so mixed up in this, that he would not see the hand of G-d on him, trying to draw this young man back to Him.

The above is just one example of how dangerous it is to play with vampirism, no matter how innocent it seems. The occult is like becoming addicted to cigarettes…at first, you think “Just one”, but that one becomes a second, third, fourth time and, before you know it, you’re hooked for what you think is life. Some never come out of it, others do, but with physical and emotional scars that take much time to heal. If you think that this whole “vampire” thing is just a fad, or still think it’s totally innocent, with just a few “crazies” who take it “too far”, I suggest you do the research yourself. No longer will this remain a subculture movement, but it will become fully mainstream and an acceptable “alternative” lifestyle. All we can do is spread the truth out, as it is our responsibility to do so.

I can say all this because I had once been heavily involved in the occult. I have seen things that would send normal people screaming into oblivion. I have performed rituals and cast spells that I'm not proud of. I justified my actions by saying "I'm not using human/animal blood, just my own". That doesn't make it okay. I knew witches and warlocks, myself being the high priestess of a local coven. What I have seen and have been privy to allows me to fully come forth with the truth of what these practices do to people. I present the truth as I know it to be, as a first-hand witness. That's the whole reason for this blog, to expose the lies that hide in darkness.