Letting them get to you?

At some point in our lives, we come across someone who seems friendly at first, but gradually increases distance from us, becoming less inclined to join our company. Such behavior is rarely explained by the ones who exhibit it, and when questioned, defensiveness arises and suddenly, WE are the ones being unreasonable.

I’ve run into such people before, and their behavior has always gotten under my skin. I wanted to rage at them, asking them why in the world they just can’t tell me why they don’t want to be around me. It’s so much easier than just keeping quiet and walking away from what could be a great friendship.

Such a thing happened to me recently. I don’t want to go into too many details, but these two friends changed, and not for the better. My husband and I weren’t the only ones to see these changes, others around us did as well. There was a harshness, an edge, and an aggression in these two that really bothered us. These two stopped talking to us as much as they once did, and so hubby and I felt it best to keep things that way. Sometimes it’s best to do this for your own good, because the emotions and actions of another can influence our own actions.

Sometimes it seems hard to overcome situations like the above. Perhaps your former friend has turned on you, or maybe he/she has walked away without any explanation as to why this was done. To have no closure is very difficult, especially for those of us who want to know what is going on and why. If there is something I did to offend my friend, why didn’t she tell me so I could apologize? That has constantly run around in the heads of many.

We vent about these situations and then hear “Oh, don’t let them get to you”. This is a hard but true statement: we CAN’T allow people’s actions to bother us so much that we get distracted from even the smallest tasks. I have a bad habit of dwelling on things, especially after a confrontation. I think of the many different things I could have said, why the person acted the way he/she did, and continue to be bothered by those actions. I suppose that, in all of us, there a hatred of injustice to anyone and anything, especially ourselves. The fact that we did nothing wrong is bad enough, but what makes it worse is when this is not acknowledged by those who accuse us. We dwell on what happened for days, weeks, and even months, wondering why on earth those we thought were friends acted the way they did to us. This distracts and detracts us from the important things in our lives.

I did let the actions of my former friends bother me for a while. For the past two months, I fought against depression coming back, struggled against my sense of worth dropping low. The greatest thing about this is that through it all, G-d did not stop speaking to me. Through all the pain, all the hurt, and the feeling of injustice, He continued to declare to me who I am in HIS eyes, not the eyes of man. When I would have a horrible day at work, He was there to tell me how far improved I am. Years ago, a really bad day would have resulted in me quitting my job, but now I know that bad days come and, thankfully, go. One day shouldn’t result in my leaving the workplace, right?

After all these struggles, I finally feel free, but a little changed. I do care about how people see me, but at the same time it doesn’t consume all my time like it used to. I prefer to hear from G-d about who I am, because I know He won’t hesitate to tell me the truth.

I can tell you not to worry if you’re in such a situation right now. I can tell you that you’re in G-d’s hands and He won’t drop you. I can speak and write encouragement until my face is blue and my fingers cramped…but until you hear it from the mouth of the Creator Himself, until you are able to see yourself through the eyes of the Messiah, you may not believe a word I say. Like I wrote two posts before this one, just go to the L-rd like a child to a parent, and ask Him who you are, ask Yeshua to let you see yourself through his eyes. Don’t let your own mind and flesh answer, just let your Father embrace you and speak His love into you. HE will be the one shielding you, and He certainly won’t let people and situations get to you.

Gone but not forgotten...

I just realized it's been two months since I've posted on this blog. My intention has been to encourage others who are experiencing situations similar to what I've been through. Up until about two weeks ago, I had a very hard struggle against a familiar opponent: depression. From 7th grade until about four years ago, I was a very depressed and suicidal person. However, no matter how hard the knife was pressed and drawn against my skin, nothing more than a scratch appeared.

For a large portion of my life, I constantly heard negative comments from peers in school, as well as from some family. It was very difficult and my self-esteem went downhill. I found comfort in reading and in prayer. Mom called me a "loner", I didn't have any close friends in school at all, and because of all the teasing and bullying, I was more than happy to be by myself.

Unfortunately, after my mother's death in 1994, the depression became worse. I was homeschooled for my 8th grade year, which made me ecstatic. I didn't have to deal with bullies every day, the hours weren't as long as they are in public schools, and I didn't have to eat any gross cafeteria food. My grandmother protested; she felt that I needed to interact with kids my age. She just couldn't understand that I HATED school. When Mom died, I not only had to face high school, I had to face a high school full of people I didn't know. I was already really shy and quiet, but grieving for my mother made it worse. Sadly, shy people are seen as being aloof, snobby, and boring. I had to deal with this girl for two years who kept insisting I was a snob. It was harder to get through every day. I've never fit in anywhere I've gone, so imagine what school was like for this nerdy girl who tried her hardest to be who she isn't. I was shunned because I didn't try to fit in. When I tried to fit in, I was shunned for doing so! I finally gave up during my senior year and just decided to be ME. Funny enough, a few kids started to get to know me a little better and I ended up with some acquaintances.

Depression tried to pry its way in recently, but I couldn't let it back in. I absolutely mean it when I say that we MUST listen only to the voice of the L-rd when he speaks to us of who we are. Those words that keep popping up, words like "stupid", "incapable", "worthless", etc. are all lies. Proverbs tells us that the power of life and death is in the tongue, meaning that the words we speak to each other and to ourselves can either bring life (encouragement) or death (discouragement). If we hear words of either life or death constantly, we will begin to believe the things spoken to us. I heard a lot of bad things said about myself, words spoken to me so often that I believed them. I really did believe I was stupid, worthless, would never amount to anything, and was a general nuisance.

However, after renewing my relationship with Yeshua a few years ago, the depression began to melt away and I became more confident. It took time though, and a year later I was able to return friendly teasing and smiled more than I had in previous years. I was finally able to be comfortable in who I was, not in myself, but in Messiah.

I've been realizing that self-confidence is really nothing. I'd rather have confidence in G-d and in the Messiah, not myself. I'm fallible, I have faults, and I have a short attention span sometimes. I get easily distracted, so I have to literally FORCE myself to focus. I find that when I focus on the Word, when I read and pray, I don't feel all out of kilter and confused.

I think I'm going to start working on my entire testimony so I can put it on here. The first two posts may seem harsh and may seem like I'm condemning the kids for what they do, but that's not the case. I do speak from real experiences in my life and I only want to be a good watchman, to warn of danger when it approaches.

This is it for tonight, it's almost midnight and the bed is calling for me.